Flies, combine harvesters and smoking wasps

We recently got an electronic fly swat. Powered be 2 'AA' batteries, it looks like a small tennis racquet, and has a metal mesh, which, when buttons are pressed in the right order, becomes electrified. Let the fly-frying commence. Man that thing is satisfying! And it reduces the need to swing wildy to try to catch the buggers...just sneak up behind them, and with a flash and a zap, they're gone.

The flies have been terrible lately, as we're right in the middle of the harvest, so there are machines ploughing up and down the fields all around, sending out clouds of dust and swarms of tiny flies. The worst are the miniscule thunder bugs, but there's effectively nothing you can do about them, a) because they're so small, and b) because there must be hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of them, and the get into, onto, under and through absolutely everything. I was just looking at a picture on my wall, the frame of which is in theory sealed with tape, and there are over 30 thunder bugs in there, trapped under the glass. Gits...

I would never want to miss out on the harvest though. I am a country kid through and through, and I love this time of year, when the farmers are frequently out working until midnight or even later, sprinting to get the wheat, rapeseed, and barley in before the next deluge (which hasn't given them much time this year). Driving a combine harvester is high on my to-do list, though I've yet to convince anyone to let me have a go. Apparently they don't just let anyone loose with a £250,000 machine... It'll happen though. One fine day...

But I digress. Bugs. Fried bugs. The most satisfying are the wasps. There have been raspberries growing in the garden, and although they're mostly done, the wasps have now moved in, and decided that, while they're there, they might as well move into the house, and hell, why not sting a few people in the process. It's at this point that the electronic fly swat truly comes into its own. The smell of singed wasp might not be the most appealing in the conventional sense, but it is the scent of satisfaction. The blue flashes, electrical cracks and wisps of smoke all add to the pleasure.

Wasps are good for nothing; they've got what they deserve.